My Brain On Crack
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I Think I Forgot To Eat Today
That would explain a LOT. However, I did meditate. And I worked and wrote and wrote and worked. My eyes are still bleeding. And I cried a little and had a shower and put makeup on. And wore clothes. And I am getting used to one space after-a-period rather than the years and years of two spaces. if I can unlearn the two-space thing I may actually learn to type one of these days. Oh, you haven’t seen me type, have you? I understand it’s “interesting.” It makes a lot of noise. And now I know why three keys on my laptop are now nearly obliterated; I don’t keep my…
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Eating At Home, Because That’s Where My Heart Is
Being on the road amplifies lots of things. Small things can become larger. Large things seem untenable and tumultuous. But the worst may be the eating. I’m well aware of my food issues. I have struggled with food seemingly all my life, food and my feelings about food and all that goes with it, and it’s weird that it came yet again to the forefront during this last trip. [Before I go on, I need to interject that weeks before we left on this trip I knew it would be a hugely transforming event. I just didn’t know what the transformation would be. Still don’t, but things become more clear…
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The Other Shoe Is Dropping
When I crossed the border into Canada in August, I had an uneasy feeling. No, “uneasy” doesn’t even begin to describe the deep-seated FEAR and sense of FOREBODING I had. After all, there I was with my car full of everything I owned, and as far as official-Canada was concerned I was there to be a tourist. Pretty fishy. Last night Matthew and I returned from California and Oregon. I knew the border thing would come up again. Our plan these past several months was to at some point be able to show Canada the seriousness of our relationship and apply for me to be a permanent resident here. I…
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Resurfacing
Yes, I’ve been busy. I’ve been doing this. And I’ve been doing this. And also I’ve been spending hours a day writing for the upcoming supersecret website I can’t tell you about yet. Except that it’s related to this one. Also, I haven’t been at home for awhile. Matthew and I have been traveling. Yay for traveling. *Cough*. I went to a spiritual workshop thing, where I manned the recording device. Like they really needed someone to do that (push “record,” push “stop” at the appropriate times—really difficult and oh so technical), but I was grateful to be there and I am sure I got something out of it. Not…
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Overloaded
I have this habit of taking on too much. I have an idealistic mind—let’s call her Bertha, shall we? Big Bertha—and it often tells me things that don’t end up being quite true. Bertha tells me I can do anything, that I don’t need sleep (much), that I can get things done four times faster than I actually do them. Bertha gets me in trouble some days. But I can’t quite seem to let go of Bertha. When she’s telling me things, it feels awesome. Like I *can* do anything. And not needing sleep, why, who needs sleep? We can all do with less sleep; we’d get way more done…
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Blame The Blue-Haired Witch
[warning: standard “I haven’t blogged for a long time and this is my lame apology slash explanation” is forthcoming. Scroll down to the good stuff.] Benign neglect, that’s what we’ll call this, shall we? Oh, and my x365 project is going to take me three or four years at this rate, isn’t it? Sort of negates the whole “posting daily” idea. Oh well. I’ll still continue them. Hacking away until they’re exactly 100 words has been rather fun, and certainly the trips into the recesses of my memories have been interesting. When I was nine I was in the 4th grade. Do the math a minute; I need to point…
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Resurfacing
Yes, I’ve been busy. I’ve been doing this. And I’ve been doing this. And also I’ve been spending hours a day writing for the upcoming supersecret website I can’t tell you about yet. Except that it’s related to this one. Also, I haven’t been at home for awhile. Matthew and I have been traveling. Yay for traveling. *Cough*. I went to a spiritual workshop thing, where I manned the recording device. Like they really needed someone to do that (push “record,” push “stop” at the appropriate times—really difficult and oh so technical), but I was grateful to be there and I am sure I got something out of it. Not…
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You Can Totally Die From Not Sleeping
Which is how I feel just now. Like dying. Or is it lying? Lying down, to be more specific. This “let’s wake up at 2 am and be awake for hours yet be totally unproductive at the same time” thing is getting to me. So if my brain had a “slow” function, which it evidently does, it would be operating that way right now. And it is. Slowly. Hey. I had a thought. Want to hear what I did this morning from about 1:30 am to 5:30 am? Sure you do. Here: 1. Created a new blank page in Word and quickly downloaded the thoughts that were keeping me awake. …
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Seeing Things
I wrote once about the tricks my eyes play on me. Actually, I think it’s my brain playing the tricks, taking in one thing and turning it into something else. It results in humorous doubletakes, mainly while driving, as I morph passing signs into words and phrases very different from what was intended. My brain plays other tricks on me, creating still small snapshots that burst into my heart, impaling me. We were at Ikea the other day and a family was approaching, going downstream to our up. There were children and a mom and a cart, but my eyes were on the prancing girl coming toward me, Serena-sized from…
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Catching Up, Or A Post Without Segues
Some days I wish life was just a series of bullets: you tick them off, one by one, boom boom boom. And done. Life should go that fast, that succinctly. Plus you don’t have to provide continuity or a story arc with bullets. You just write, bulletize, and go. Done. See? I’m in the edit mode for my first column at Literary Mama. Real editing done by a real editor. This is as close to the Big Time as I have yet come, and it oddly seems almost an anti-climax. Printing and signing and sending the contract to Literary Mama, that’s when I felt like my life was changing, that…