• Ho, Earthling!

    Piano Hands

    A few minutes ago I happened to look at my left pinkie finger. For the first time I noticed that it looks deformed, much as my right pinkie finger does which developed its deformity a few years ago. The middle joints are affected in such a way to cause those fingers to be unable to fully straighten. I said to myself, it’s only a matter of time before all my fingers look like that: claws. Growing up and for decades really, people told me I had “piano hands”. What’s that, I asked. Long slender beautiful fingers, elegant hands, they said. You should be a hand model, they said. My mother…

  • Ho, Earthling!,  Whole New World

    Only the Lonely

    I’m lonely as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. I realized yesterday that I’ve been traumatized by the conditions of my new home. And I kept it inside and really had no one to talk about it with. I kept telling myself I would get used to it, that I committed to living here for a year and that I needed to make good on my commitment. Yesterday I told my landlord I intended to move at the end of the month. My friend is leaving her apartment and even though it costs more than I’m currently paying, overall it will be a much better fit for…

  • Whole New World

    Wild Winds & Cat Burglars

    I moved into my long-term casita rental last Friday. I am getting used to it now, but when I got here several things surprised me, and not in a good way: Part of my house is open to the sky at all times. Picture two semi-circles on either side of a rectangle. The rectangle is the entryway and the stairs that connect the floors. The semi-circles are the rooms: kitchen and a large bathroom on the first floor; two bedrooms on the second floor; one semi-circle of a roof terrace on the third floor. The steps are open to the sky. Next to my house are trees: eucalyptus and pine,…

  • My Brain On Crack

    8:00 pm

    It’s getting dark outside, not completely dark but more like the last purple-orange bits of sunset dark, The kind of dark when people can start to see into your windows if you have the lights on. Before I turn the lights on, I close the window blinds, carefully angling them downward so that people below (I’m on the second floor) can’t see in. But before I close the shades, I take a moment to look at the colorful panorama. I can’t look for too long lest I feel deep sadness at not taking advantage of the beauty here, of closing the world out when the sun goes down. So I…

  • My Brain On Crack,  Whole New World

    Here There Be Tygers**

    It took a few weeks of living in Mexico to realize how scared I’ve been. It’s probably residual trauma left from being mugged the first 5 minutes I arrived the LAST time I was in Mexico, which resulted in a broken leg (and the addition of 15 unwelcome pounds), but I think it’s more than that. Years of being scared. Years of pushing aside my Self in exchange for what I thought was safety. Years of walking on eggshells, always guarding against saying or doing the wrong thing. Years of hypervigilance, of learning to memorize everything and everyone in my surroundings and do whatever it took to ensure my safety.…

  • Ho, Earthling!,  Whole New World

    Brown Recluse

    It’s been weeks now since the “stay at home” orders began. When they started in California I was in a mad rush to pack my earthly belongings, get my car repaired to pass the smog test so I could sell it, and then get across the border to Mexico before it closed. The orders followed in Mexico soon after I arrived. Stay at home. Don’t go out. Don’t risk infection, yours or anyone’s. (I have to say, people seem fairly casual about this here in San Miguel, or they did the last time I was out and about, which, let me see … counts on fingers … was actually about…

  • Love

    Black Widow

    To start with, you should know that I don’t believe there are any true accidents in life. Things may appear accidental, but really they are all part of a glorious and masterful interweaving of people, places, things, and experiences. Tonight I found myself musing over the “Archive” folder in my email, specifically from the years 2006 & 2007. Interesting, you might say. Why those years? Why that folder? It all came clear when I found the emails about a specific person’s attempted suicide. I had been close to that person for a time, and by the date of the email had become less close. The suicide attempt was a shock…

  • Go Places,  Whole New World

    Landing Place

    I thought you might like to read my complaints about my AirBnb, since this is my last night in it. First, you should know that I should have known better. I stayed in this AirBnb once before, back last fall when I decided FOR REAL that I was going to move to this magical city, and it was here, just in front of the door while I was standing on the sidewalk with my luggage at 9 pm trying to figure out how to enable international phone service so I could text the person to come with a key and let me in, that I was assaulted (mugged, but they…

  • Go Places,  Ho, Earthling!,  Whole New World

    Alone in the Time of Corona

    There are doves everywhere, cooing their lovely dove-sounds. And other birds of unknown-to-me varieties, calling out to one another, letting the world know that yes, they exist, they are here, they are alive. My window this week faces a brick wall. I ask you, is that a metaphor? Someone nearby lets some light jazz drift out their open window. Everyone’s windows are open because it is 90 degrees here and there is no air conditioning. Someone else is singing, maybe it is singing or maybe he is simply talking. His inflections rise and fall. Sometimes he is saying a thing and sometimes he is asking a thing. I think I…