Magical
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Perfect Magic
There is a boundary between the worlds. I know, because I have been there. Crossed it. Danced at its edge. Sang it songs. Breathed in the fire. Approaching magic can be a little like approaching a wild animal. Breathe too quickly, too loudly, and it coyly disappears into the mists, trailing its song behind it. But if you’re too wary, too uncertain, too unlike yourself, it vanishes entirely. Approaching magic has to be done with, well, magic. Magic attracts magic. 1 + 1 = 3. I know all this because I have been there. The wet wild woods of the Olympic Peninsula enveloped me in its embrace, leaving me gasping…
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Odyssey
It’s a cruel blow to find out that you’ve been hiding something from yourself, perhaps for years, and that you have — intentionally, mind you — set up minefields, mazes and mirrors in order to avoid getting to the bottom of the whatever-it-is that eludes you. Not that any of this is a surprise, but I am just good enough at what I do, just skilled enough at self-discovery, to trick myself into thinking I have Done Good Work and as a result, veer off course from going deeper into what lies beneath. A lot of the anger I feel as a result — TRICKED! — is at myself. Self,…
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Happenstance
The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. ~ Rumi I can’t help but smile inwardly every time I consider how perfect the universe is. In my world, anyway. I think back over years of experiences — some horrifically painful, some seemingly meaningless, some amazingly wonderful, and some that I can’t recall at all — and see the inexorable progression that has marched me right up to this moment. This moment, as I am writing and you are reading. The whole thing makes me laugh. Why did I…
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Exponential
I am poised, yet again, at the edge of something magical. Unbearably exquisite. Scary as hell. It’s not as if I was hurtling uncontrollably towards a certainty, and yet … perhaps I am. Have the stars aligned to bring something to fruition now that was perhaps begun years ago while my attention was elsewhere? Is there a way to tell? All I can tell you is that on a regular basis, I am slipping through the veil into a beautiful new world beyond. Over and over and over, reaching new levels, new heights, feeling deliciously grateful each time for the new shared space, moving into that space seamlessly, joyfully. Over…
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Perspective
I am greeted this week by a view of diffuse brown and green mountains tapering off into a distant haze, clouds melting up into white gummy skies. From up high, everything looks soft and peaceful. There is no hint of the constant frenetic undercurrent of movement that is so apparent when you drive down the mountain into Northern California freeway traffic. Things change when you look at them from a different vantage point. I spent Sunday night not sleeping. I knew I was “processing,” a catchall term that really means “going over and over in your mind all the stupid things you have ever done/said since the day you were…
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Time Stretch
Time has slowed way down. I feel it stretching into ever-thinner spools of gossamer, strung this way and that across the myriad doorways of possibility that fill each second and every breath. Those breaths become entire new worlds, ripe with green juicy wonder and dripping with the clear cold freshness of the breath that comes after, and after that. Nineteen. I count backwards, eighteen, seventeen, sixteen, until I reach the touchstone that began my realization that I have become a Time Sorceress. And with every moment hanging in stillness, if I choose for it to be so, I have infinite time to use the power of deep desire to create…
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Contrast
My good friend describes his life as what exists between the swings of the pendulum. Moving from one extreme to the other. I can relate; years ago I described my life to someone as a sine wave moving along a graph. He was pretty horrified by the thought and said he preferred to live life in the middle, escaping the extremes. The thought of having no high-highs and low-lows horrified me. I love the extremes. I live within the swings of the pendulum. My life is contrast. Once I thought that living that way meant I had to allow myself to become immersed in the low-lows when they moved in…
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Flight Of The Red-Tailed Hawk
Not long ago I was driving through the gorgeous mountain pass just south of my home, on my way past tall lake-fed evergreens toward a bright beckoning newness that at the time remained indistinct. Suddenly my windshield view filled with wings, feathers, talons but before my foot could lift to slam on the brakes to avoid collision, the bird swooped upward and out of view. Brown and white. Red-tailed hawk. I knew at the time that I had received a visitation, but didn’t yet know the character of this new energy being given to me. I still only have an inkling. Kundalini. Noble vision. Perspective. Power. Hawk has been speaking…
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Not Alone
The room was spare. The single bed, covered in a mauve quilt, was pushed against the wall. A gray and white stuffed dog sat atop the nearby dresser. A single, empty chair filled the space next to the bed. The woman lay on her back with eyes closed and mouth open, her body slight under the quilt. Her breaths came hard, ragged, with spaces in between. The sound of her labors filled the room. We quietly arranged ourselves on chairs we had brought for the occasion, facing the woman in the bed. She kept on with her breathing. One of us whispered. “We’re here to be with you on your…
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Dead Boy Emerges
The boy looks at the woman lying ragged in the hospital bed, her breaths coming like rocky chunks of asphalt, filling the room with the out and in, out and in. You are not of me, he said. I never came from you. The woman, restless, moves her legs from side to side in her sleeplike state. Can’t keep a sheet on her, the nurses had told the boy. A chasm yawns in the space where her legs met. Sagging flesh swims there, shapes and color. The boy looks away. I never came from you. A nurse bustles in with some supplies. A breathing treatment, she says. To keep her…