For a long time I was shrouded in darkness. There was no light at all, not even from the spark of life that lay dormant in my heart. For a long time I saw nothing but endless dreary winter, felt nothing but bone-shattering cold.
For a long time I wasn’t even myself.
With some help, I found a doorway. I walked through it and found a world I thought long lost. Much like when Dorothy enters Oz and transitions from endless black-and-white to a world bursting with color, my long-lost world thrums with the life I was so long denied.
I’m not yet able to fully enter this world, however. Circumstances dictate I keep one foot in the old one until I can fully immerse myself in what awaits me.
From this, I am learning patience. And trust.
It is dark here in this in-between place. Sometimes the dark occludes my memory of the brilliant colors of the world I am re-entering. Sometimes the dark brings with it a friend, Fear. Together, Dark and Fear make my heart beat with anxiousness and doubt.
I have learned how to remind myself of my power, of my strength, and of my resolve. I have learned how to keep Dark and Fear where they belong, and to instead invite Hope and Wonder.
Last night I turned a corner and saw it.
Still in the distance, but it is there. And I am moving ever closer.