Alone in the Time of Corona

There are doves everywhere, cooing their lovely dove-sounds. And other birds of unknown-to-me varieties, calling out to one another, letting the world know that yes, they exist, they are here, they are alive.

My window this week faces a brick wall. I ask you, is that a metaphor?

Someone nearby lets some light jazz drift out their open window. Everyone’s windows are open because it is 90 degrees here and there is no air conditioning.

Someone else is singing, maybe it is singing or maybe he is simply talking. His inflections rise and fall. Sometimes he is saying a thing and sometimes he is asking a thing. I think I would like this person. You can tell a lot about a person from their voice.

There is a fan in this room. I placed it next to the open brick-facing window and keep the setting on “1”, the lowest, blowing straight at me where I sit on the bed. It is a Taurus brand fan and you know what Tauruses are like: strong, determined, lovers of comfort. I am a Taurus, so this fan is a frequent reminder of what I am.

I walk the uneven cobblestone streets (only during daylight) and keep my right hand in my pocket, the pocket that also contains my phone and my little wallet that I bought so many years ago in Finland. I’m glad I kept that wallet. It was meaningful, reminded me of that feeling of jetting off to exotic foreign countries where it was fun to puzzle out the menu foods and transit signs.

Once more I puzzle out the foods, this time in markets and grocery store delivery apps, and the crooked this-way-that-way streets that sometimes change names right in the middle. This was going to be an adventure, I always knew that from the start, but I did not know how alone I would be.

The Time of Corona is upon us, calling for “social distancing” and “self-quarantining”. Suddenly everything that is to be had is to be had by delivery, hopefully from people wearing the proper masks and gloves and having washed their hands 80 million times that day. I keep forgetting to tip the grocery delivery guy. I am in a tipping culture now, where people earn the equivalent of a few dollars a day so a few extra pesos make a difference. After they leave I wipe everything down with an antibacterial wipe.

Corona means “crown”. We — humanity — are experiencing a coronation. We are finally taking the crown and learning what it is to be human.

Somehow this relates also to me personally. I have known for a while that this year, 2020 (perfect vision?), would be a year of self-discovery for me. Just who and how do I want to be in the world? I see other people stepping into leadership, reassuring others that yes, humanity will be fine, you’ll be okay, this is all going to be okay, you are strong, together we are stronger, and I think: I should be doing that, saying those things.

But then I also think: I don’t want to. It is not my time to do that.

So I am here, in a beautiful colorful colonial cobblestoned city filled with doves and dust and calling birds. I exist, I am here, and I am alive.

And I am alone.