Trick

One of my biggest fears is that the world in my head will become too distanced from reality. That it’s a trick somehow. That I am making everything up, creating glittering but empty circus worlds from my copious imagination. That one day those worlds will implode, come crashing down on me, and that I’ll be left with nothing but the wide space inside my thoughts, a vast empty plain where the lonely wind blows night and day.

Whoosh.

In these times I look for someone to blame for the feeling of dread that comes from touching into the dead emptiness of my fear, but I know deep inside that I have no one to blame but myself. One of my superpowers is world creation, and I am very very good at it, but I don’t always see whether the worlds I create are actually taking physical form. Discernment. Sometimes the creation is all in my imagination. It is unwise to base major life decisions on something that doesn’t exist. Sure, it’s a fabulous learning and growth experience, but right now I am tired of those. I just want the ground under my feet to stop moving.