You know the thing where something just tumbles out of your mouth because you think you are safe, but the reaction from the person you said it to tells you that not only are you not safe but that the thing you said was probably the worst possible thing you could ever say?
That is what happened to me literally just now, and it happens often, too often, so often that now I have to examine why. Why does this happen. Tell me. Not going to tell me? Fine, I will tell you.
Number One. I Don’t Think Before I Talk. Oh yes. This is so me. I think I’m just in the flow of the conversation, or I’m about to reveal something that should probably remain in the dark recesses of my broken brain, but instead I just erupt stupid words all over the person I love most in the world.
If, instead, I STOPPED TO FUCKING THINK first, I would probably just become a mime. Or invest in a case of duct tape for my mouth.
Number Two. I Talk Too Much. When I realize I have said something stupid, I vow to myself to never talk again.
[Insert cheesy late-night-cable advertising voice] Hey kids, are you tired of saying stupid things? Do you melt into a quivering pile of poo every time you realize you not only stuck your foot in your mouth, but you crammed your entire leg in there too? Well, have we got a solution for you! Never say a stupid thing again with Mouth-B-Gone, the first mouth eliminator! Sure, you’ll have to eat through a tube, but you won’t mind because you will never say the wrong thing again!
Fine. Not talking is not much of a solution. I have a working mouth that is (mostly) connected to my brain. I can’t conveniently avoid talking.
Number Three. I Fail To Feel What The Other Person Feels. I have the ability to feel what someone else feels. We all do. Sometimes I get in my own world, though, and I don’t pay attention to the energetic information coming to me from the other person. I’m sure this is a common thing, but I don’t want to be doing it, especially not with the person I love most in the world.
Anyway, that’s what I wanted to say. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.