• Poetry Slam

    Circuitous

      In the far, far places where mermaids sing and fishes cry for their mothers there are no sounds only the soft slapping of waves   Your heart stills and your breath sighs raggedly but your feet keep moving, moving pushing your warm soft pliant body of stitched-together skin stretched over tangled red-blue pulsing cords and hard-breathing whitened bone to find the spot where sky meets earth   You sit and wait for a sign, a sob, a sweetness but the roar inside silently deafens and drowns your fears and ambitions, grinding past-present-future into a bright purple Now   In the far, far places where mothers sing softly and ancient…

  • Ho, Earthling!,  My Brain On Crack

    Why I Have Cancer

    I figured it out. It should have been a no-brainer. Why I never suspected that years of self loathing would lead to cancer, I don’t know. But it clearly did. I hate myself. I tried to wipe me away by changing my name two years ago, but like a bad penny and a lost puppy, I came back. And all I can do now is imagine I’m jabbing an ice pick into the side of my now-irradiated head because the pain of being me is unforgivable. Please make it go away. The pain. I would do anything not to feel this anymore. I shouldn’t be here. I can’t be here…

  • Ho, Earthling!,  My Brain On Crack

    I’m A Bitch, I’m A Lover

    Something has turned me into a total raving bitch. Does cancer do that? Although I would like to blame [everything] it on cancer, sadly, I believe this is my doing. Last week one of the people I love most in the world came to visit. And that was right about the time that TB (Total Bitch) showed up. All her fears and anxieties and need to control came out while this awesome person was visiting. I hate that. I hate that my son, this amazing young man, saw me being a bitch, saw me in my fears, saw me struggling to walk across the room because my body is so…

  • Love,  Magical

    Kahuna + Akua = a Grand Love Story

    About a year ago, my soulmate and I made special love names for each other. We actually did research on this. We looked at sites filled with love nicknames. We looked at sites filled with names from other countries and other traditions. Finally we found the right names. Akua = spirit, goddess. Kahuna = wise man or shaman. I think we are still claiming the full power of our names. But I look at my soulmate and I see Kahuna, even if he does not see it fully himself. This is what happened. I got cancer. I thought it healed. It didn’t and came back. Far, far worse. Terminal. And…

  • Rants

    Terminal

    True story. This just happened. Me: Hi Dad, the doctors say I have less than a year to live. Dad: I don’t know what to say so I’m sending you a card that says it. It isn’t very downstream of me to dwell on this stuff, but really? A fucking CARD? Way to phone it in. Hi, I’m Talyaa and I have Stage 4 cancer that’s not treatable by western medicine. Yay. Yes, this will change my life (ba dum BUM).  I am writing about it here. And my beloved soulmate is writing about it here. Follow me. Write to me. Hire me. This is your story too. It’s about loving…

  • Love,  Magical

    Mrs. Splashy

    Yes, I am 5 years old. Apparently I sometimes like to be exuberant with water. I notice this most when doing the dishes (he is The Chef and I am The Dishwasher, an arrangement that pleases me greatly) and I come away from the sink with the front of my shirt all wet. I didn’t used to be that way. Once I lived with a man who was horribly splashy. In hotels, I’d dive into the bathroom first and shower, neatly toweling off before stepping on the bathmat, so I could avoid the Tsunami Aftermath of that man’s showers. I hate stepping on wet floors in socks. Another man was…

  • Love

    Sailing

    I am sad and angry and scared. There is this situation. It is pretty dire, the down-to-the-wire kind of thing that has major consequences unless some big changes are made and made fast. I wish I could say more but I’m not willing to. (hint: it’s financial) The problem is my soulmate. He is not the problem. The problem is me. I am not the problem. The problem is that putting attention on fixing the dire situation has meant some radical shifts between us. It’s those shifts that have me feeling so sad and angry and scared. What do you do when the person you love most in the world…

  • Magical,  My Brain On Crack

    Manual

    They should offer people a manual. I would read it. I would keep it under my pillow and bring its well-thumbed, hi-lighted pages out from under when I needed it. Like, when the person you love is hurting and shuts you out of that hurt because it’s the same old song, really — what should you do? And, when he holds your hand and suddenly you are 13 again and you don’t know what it means — what should you do? Or, when you are sad and afraid and feeling alone and are faced with demons you welcomed 40 years ago — what should you do? If I had a…

  • Phantasm

    Tiptoe

    I can see everything from up here. You would think that three inches doesn’t make much of a difference, but you’re wrong. It makes all the difference. It starts with corn. Ever been in a cornfield? I always thought the ears were up high, higher than my head, but no. It’s the tassels that are high. The ears grow along the stalk, like cocoons stuck to a pole. Corn always reminded me of teeth. But it’s the tassels I am thinking about now. Being up high like this, I can see them for what they are. They’re sex! Come here, they say. Come and get me! I have no idea…

  • Love

    Exponential

    It was about a year ago that the S-word was first used. Back then, it was under influence of a glass of red wine, or two glasses. I knew what was going on and let it unfold. Give it space. Let it breathe. If you are lucky, it will blossom. He needed time to feel that this amazing thing between us is real, that he didn’t just dream up the woman who loves him, and that he and I will be together in years to come, and more years, and more. It’s hard to remember exactly how it felt a year ago, light-years now, because now is now. Today we sat…