My beloved and I had an argument-thing today. It was brief. The gist was this:
I interrupt him. Often. Multiple times a day. And I am unaware of doing it.
This is, of course, Not Good. It is a sign that my brain is not functioning as per normal. We parsed the offending conversation, down to (what seemed like) the nanosecond. This is what happened during The Interruption:
He talked. He paused. Then my talking-machinery ground into action, causing me to talk. Meanwhile, he was still talking, but I had no idea he was still talking. Oops. Interruptus Maximus.
Evidently this kind of thing happens All The Time. I am losing touch.
Another sign I am (or have been for a while) losing touch is this:
Many days feel dreamlike. In the evenings I only dimly recall what the mornings were like. The day feels like a cloud, a haze, a soft pillowy marshmallow of time. This is not unenjoyable for me.
Not long ago, I sat in a warm bath and channeled about how I experience reality while my beloved typed my words. Naturally, he turned them into bullet points. I shall call these bullet points Exhibit A.
Exhibit A — How My World Differs From Other People’s Worlds
- My world is more malleable than other people’s worlds.
- Because of my abilities to phase-shift and elongate and compress time, my reality is much more changeable and malleable. This poses challenges.
- The primary challenge is that I switch from one reality to another without realizing it. This is in part the cause of some of my recent memory issues.
- I can learn to be more conscious of my reality shifting so I can create “breadcrumb trails” to access what transpired many realities ago — so I have a trail to follow back from a given moment.
So now you know. I’m this amazing/damaged freakazoid who is in this ever-shifting time-warp where nothing really remains the same. This explains so much.
But I am alone in this weird world of mine. I wish I could celebrate it, revel in it, learn to have dominion over it, but I am stuck in the 3D drone world of Normal People Who Expect Me To Remember Things And Rightly So, Dammit.
I wish I could just read books and cook all day. Not so much the cooking thing. More the reading thing, and taking long walks in the forest (the one I used to live near; now I live near the ocean which is many kinds of awesome except for the smell of fish, but it’s not within walking distance and it’s definitely not the same for me as the forest).
This post was going to be a lament about the abilities I am losing, but it seems to be turning into a celebration of my, uh, unique qualities. Maybe I’m not losing touch after all; maybe I am learning how to live in my malleable world and roll with the reality-shifting thing. I’ll let you know how it goes. Here is what I intend to do so far:
If my beloved tells me I said a thing, I intend to just accept it even if I know I never did. After all, in HIS reality I said the thing. And maybe that’s how I find the breadcrumb trail back to where he is.