Juxtapositioning

Yo, an interview

The Evil Queen is hot. The princesses are SOOOOO overrated at Disney. I’m a villain stalker when I go down to Orlando, and they aren’t easy to find, either, dammit.

I have slipped a poison apple or two over the last 15 years I’ve been a professional writer- of course, I prefer the poison PEN version. I try to keep my poison-pen-posts to a minimum (because I just end up sounding whiny and emo) but once in awhile, I serve up the green bubbly apple dippers. Because being a villain is cool like that.

Believe it or not, I go camping with the Schmoneys every year- if they invite me back after that little crapping in their woods incident. I love camping (with Jack Daniels and Slim Jims)- and plan to invest in a warm weather sleeping bag for future frozen run-ins with Mother Nature, who I totally forgive for trying to kill me.

My 1881 Victorian is totally haunted. I haven’t been able to choose my own ghosts so hmmmm, cool question. Let’s see. I would want Frank Sinatra to haunt me, so he could sing “The Lady is a Tramp” and then make out with me. Also, I would want Michael Jackson to haunt me so we could do the “Thriller” dance together at my Halloween party, with the added bonus of my making tons of coin on Access Hollywood and Youtube because Michael Jackson is haunting my house.

Both! Any kind! But, if I’m at the bakery choosing one of each, it would be blueberry pie with red velvet cake for dessert.

It’s always ‘down the shore,’ baby! We still go to the Jersey beaches- Cape May every year! Was born in Jersey so love me some Jersey every summer, because everyone reminds me of my grandmother and I can get a decent cheesesteak.

ooommmggg Twitter. Faster, more fun, better conversations, no Mafia or farming apps, plus my mom’s not on Twitter! I am a total Twitter addict- follow me @marymac- I always follow back, unless there is a chick giving head in your avatar.

Wait I thought we learned in #1 it’s the Evil Queen!

We did. My bad.

Or did you mean a non-fictional character this time? Right. Ok, well I’d say definitely Erma Bombeck- she INVENTED finding the humor in the oft-mundane everyday life of a mom- I read her columns and books growing up. I want to be like her when (er, if) I grow up!

This is going to sound dorky, but I sort of have my ideal posse. My JavaJammers (the cool readers who come hang out on my blog PajamasandCoffee.com) are so much fun- I laugh out loud at their comments, love hanging out with them on Twitter- or in some cases- in real life! I appreciate them reading so I can write. If I could add anyone to the posse it would be Jon Stewart because I worship him on the Daily Show and I want to lick him.

That writing about licking people is slutty.

No, wait, let’s see. Um, I hope I’ve been a fun mom to my 4 kids- I am definitely not THE BEST mom (my blog slogan ‘Where Mediocrity Kicks Perfection’s Ass’ applies to parenthood as well) but I love my four kids more than life itself and being a mom is my best life achievement.

I wrote for print (newspapers and magazines) for nearly a decade before I found blogging. I prefer blogging because I have NO EDITOR! No offense to editors- I’ve been one, but they want things in their voices, while blogging is all about your voice. My advice would be stick with it, it takes time to find your readers (or is that just me? um..). Don’t get overly preoccupied with statistics and making money- those will come with time (I hope..). Just write well, don’t worry so much about ‘blogging with integrity’ (whatever the hell that means) and instead blog with honesty. My last piece of advice would be to read Pajamas and Coffee every day and tell all your friends to as well! Heh.

Crisis of identity

I’ve been blogging here for nearly a year, and elsewhere three years before that. In this past year I’ve used this space mainly as I pleased, which is of course the whole hyper self-aware point of blogging. The 365 project was a massive FAIL. I should know better than to attempt to do anything regularly other than excrete, and you would probably rather I not mention my excretions in any sort of detail. Fine, we have a deal on that.

I’m not too worried about OMG-what-should-I-do-with-this-blog? because, after all, there are only three of you reading it. That’s fine. It’s for me, anyway. Mine, all mine, except in this oddly public way. Whatever. But it strikes me that this is a good time to make some changes.

First off, there’s posting frequency. I’m making no promises here, but it seems that I could drop a line or two more often than twice a month (or less) or so. And so it shall be. (See the awesome power you have? I bow down before you.) After all, I regularly write dozens of words, even as many as 7000, in a single day beginning with my Artists’ Way Morning Pages (yes, I do them). So slinging a few choice ones here once in awhile might be fun.

Next, I thought about moving away from the unabashedly personal nature of what I write here. But … nah. I’ll stay with that. I like it. It’s, well, me.

And, third, expect more experiments. That’s all I can say about that for now (no sense making promises at this point in light of the 365 fail), but I do other things besides write cathartic prose with a cadence. Like, uh, paint. And stuff. And I might show you some.

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THIS.  I read this piece at Open Mic night at the local fabulous community bookstore, to moderate approval that included laughter in mostly the right places and applause. Reading one’s written work aloud is a stirring experience, one I plan to repeat.

AND THIS.  The painting is going well. Here’s how I did it:

1. Bought some paint and brushes and some canvases.
2. Decided it was all just an experiment. No pressure.
3. Forgot about painful childhood art experiences when nothing looked like it did inside my head.
4. Painted.
5. Found it is all much easier than it looks.

It’s your turn now. What act of creation did you put away when your were a child? It’s still within you; open yourself up and see.

AND THIS.  Sad truth. When we think we have uncovered painful, difficult, old stuff and worked through it, dealt with it, or otherwise processed it and then think we are “done,” we are not. You will continue to test yourself on it for awhile. The trick is not to become buried by it when it comes up again. If anyone knows a way to get around this, please call me. Preferably in the next hour or so.

AND THIS.  I have decided that I am probably incapable of drowning myself, at least not near where I live in northern Washington state. The reason? The water is too cold here. I could never stay in it long enough. What this says about my ability to make a commitment and stick to it, well, I’ll leave that for you to ponder.

Prioritizing

This is my last night in Vancouver.

Oh, come on. Not, like, EVER. I’ll be back. Sometime. But everything I own is stacked here next to me. Quite a sight! There are 7 boxes and 2 in the car already. Plus 1 more in the back with computer stuff in it, because GOD HELP ME IF THERE WAS A GOD IF I HAVE TO GO WITHOUT INTERNET. Plus some smaller boxes and some suitcasey things and 2 bottles of wine and a wooden horse statue that used to stand next to the fireplace lo these many years ago in the house I grew up in. And upstairs is a small tote bag filled with my underwear, DON’T ASK BUT SOMETIMES THINGS ARE LEFT OUT, almost.

So here I am blogging my life, because Dude. That’s what I DO. Me and zillions of other exhibitionistic narcissists. And I am thinking about the sheer joy I get from this process, of distilling small moments and then making them public. And I want to spend more time doing that.

And more time all around doing the things that are joyful.

So tomorrow I will try to get up early and then see how everything fits in the car. Yes, I chose the coldest day of the year, or close to it, for this. My fingers are cold just thinking about this. And then I move into the next phase. Still not sure how that will look, exactly. But there will be joy in it.

This is totally going to rock

I’ve been writing for Work It, Mom! for over a year now, and I’ve seen the site go through a wonderful transformation, finding new voices and more voices to add all the time.  It’s really a great resource for moms—and all parents—who work, and I’m pleased to be a part of it.

I originally pitched an idea to Nataly, the CEO of WIM, and she loved the idea and we looked at ways to make it work, make room for it, etc.  The site was going a slightly different way at the time so she offered me a place there as a blogger writing about spiritual stuff, finding your peace, etc.  After several months we changed the focus to include the wonderful voice of Karen Rani, who was going to be running a freaking MARATHON and wrote about her journey from unfit to fit and all the lifestyle changes, weight lost, etc on the way.  It was awesome and I loved sharing the space with such a dynamic writer.

Now we’re changing again.  Hey, things change!  That’s life, isn’t it?  Change and stuff?  So now I’ve got the blog back on my own again (Karen’s gone off to other things, like, well, life), and we’re blowing the roof off of parenting myths and stupid ways people get caught up in the “shoulds” of parenting.  Sound like fun?  The first post is totally up; go have a look because we’re talking about drop-kicking nosy people and fun stuff like that.

The pressure of self is a weighty thing

Not being the sort to wait things out too much before jumping in, I’ve been throwing around links to this blog with abandon this week as if this newborn blog is something long-established.  The piece I’m filling in inside my head but that’s clearly missing to the public is that I HAD a blog.  I am used to referring to it.  I took it down months ago but I’ve missed having one as an outlet for self-expression, the creation of a public extension of my private persona.  What I’ve created, then, from this odd missing link, is this:

1.  A need to explain.  Witness this self-evident post.

2.  Pressure!  I tell myself I work better under pressure, and this may explain the 3 deadlines looming while I make plans to go away for the weekend.  I can spend more time writing without the internet, I rationalize.  Who am I kidding, though?  I always overschedule myself.  Just this morning I was going to spend 2 hours at the gym, and that’s clearly not happening.  Which leads to…

3.  Self-flagellation.  Again, I am the expert here.  It’s so perfectly symbiotic:  idealistically overscheduling leads to deadline anxiety which leads to self-flagellation which increases exponentially as the deadline approaches.  Just this morning I was also going to finish all the work I had on my plate and instead I am posting to a blog which pays nothing and has zero readers because it was only just created a few days ago.  Yay me!

It’s quite beautiful in Whistler.  I’ll be sure to take my camera.

When I get back I plan to:

1.  Start a new job.

2.  Follow up on those deadlines.  Really!

3.  Start doing that x365 thing.

The hiatus is over

I used to have a blog, and then one day I disbanded it.  Oh, I use the word “disbanded” as if my blog was a group of some kind, and I suppose it was.  A group of memories, a collection of the Me That is No Longer.  It became necessary, in my mind anyway, to let those memories slip away unnoticed.

We are fools if we think we are truly anonymous here on the internet, sending our words, thoughts, images, and flotsam from our lives out into a quasi-corporeal public stew.  There is no anonymity, and there is no real rest in thinking there is.  But still so many of us, myself well included, feel this compulsion-obsession to dance nakedly in front of strangers.  I so love this medium.  I am happy to be here.