Juxtapositioning

words are foreplay for the soul
January 26th, 2009 by me

Why, yes. There it is.

omfg it has been busy, with little sign of let up. Twelve hour days have melted in sixteen hour days, and this parttime gig is now paying me about a buck an hour. And, oh, I should be announcing it with fanfare (we launched! last week! and the site—Super Eco—totally rocks! go see!) but sadly all I can think about is the fact that the letters double themselves on the screen and make it nearly impossible to see.

Last week it was cold, and I was in Pennsylvania. It snowed there. My heart froze. I hadn’t seen three cherubic faces in seven months, hadn’t held them in seven months, hadn’t been a part of their daily oatmeal-to-teeth-brushing for seven months, and all I could think about was when could I leave so I could get more WORK done. I miss them. I am ashamed. We didn’t have the week we all envisioned, and I am sloughing off thick layers of guilt over that.

Today, like the past three days before this, I am in Vancouver. I am hoping my own house hasn’t slid down a muddy slope or burned to a cinder along with my beautiful bed or frozen into a solid block of ice.  I sort of miss it, although it is so very empty still.  I have not imbued it with my essence, a thing which I still keep close inside me.  Once day I will let it out, and that will be a joyous day indeed. Am getting closer all the time to that moment.

Next week we may fly to New Zealand. It boggles my mind that we STILL haven’t decided, STILL haven’t made plans, and STILL don’t know, and that I’m mostly okay with all that. Details to follow when they arise.

And I am still very tired, and still trying to find my balance in this world.  It *is* there, isn’t it? And I am not deceiving myself?  I ask this in earnestness, because I am not sure.  I have to wonder if balance is ever a thing really achieved, or if the trick instead is to simply fly just a little, lightly, over the surface.

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