Juxtapositioning

words are foreplay for the soul
September 12th, 2008 by me

The pressure of self is a weighty thing

Not being the sort to wait things out too much before jumping in, I’ve been throwing around links to this blog with abandon this week as if this newborn blog is something long-established.  The piece I’m filling in inside my head but that’s clearly missing to the public is that I HAD a blog.  I am used to referring to it.  I took it down months ago but I’ve missed having one as an outlet for self-expression, the creation of a public extension of my private persona.  What I’ve created, then, from this odd missing link, is this:

1.  A need to explain.  Witness this self-evident post.

2.  Pressure!  I tell myself I work better under pressure, and this may explain the 3 deadlines looming while I make plans to go away for the weekend.  I can spend more time writing without the internet, I rationalize.  Who am I kidding, though?  I always overschedule myself.  Just this morning I was going to spend 2 hours at the gym, and that’s clearly not happening.  Which leads to…

3.  Self-flagellation.  Again, I am the expert here.  It’s so perfectly symbiotic:  idealistically overscheduling leads to deadline anxiety which leads to self-flagellation which increases exponentially as the deadline approaches.  Just this morning I was also going to finish all the work I had on my plate and instead I am posting to a blog which pays nothing and has zero readers because it was only just created a few days ago.  Yay me!

It’s quite beautiful in Whistler.  I’ll be sure to take my camera.

When I get back I plan to:

1.  Start a new job.

2.  Follow up on those deadlines.  Really!

3.  Start doing that x365 thing.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Comments

One Response to “The pressure of self is a weighty thing”
  1. You NEVER have had zero readers!

    I can certainly identify with that persona. Maybe we can swap sometime!

    1. The Explainer – I’m a great explainer and it has served me well in many areas. But I also realized that a great deal of it was me meticulously verifying that I had gotten “ME” correct.

    2. Pressure – I don’t find myself in this one TOO much, but for me, a busy schedule blunts that whole (scary) Choice/Consequence thing.

    3. Self-flagellation – Ahh, yes! This I know! It hurts, but it hurts SO much less when I do it. I know in advance how MY whip feels.

    RV